I was a Polyamorous Third Grader
A new Excerpt from a Memoir, plus a monthly playlist and two (technically three) book recommendations from yours truly.
A friend and subscriber asked me to clarify that, yes, the excerpts are true stories from my life. Embellished? Maybe a little. These are memories and stories that pop into my head the week I write them. The timeline has no consistency; it's just whatever comes to mind. Enjoy!
xo, Thomas
Excerpt from a Memoir: I was a Polyamorous Third Grader
For one day, Jackie W. liked me. She told me herself, via her best friend April B. It was a dream come true. Jackie was the most beautiful woman in my third-grade class. I thought she despised me after she caught me picking my nose during an afternoon reading lesson a few weeks earlier, but I guess I charmed her.
I fell off the monkey bars to see April waiting for me in the soft mulch. She said Jackie wanted to “go out” with me. Which, in third-grade terms, meant we were married forever.
There was only one thing: Jackie’s best friend, Elizabeth M., also liked me. I was aware of this and not at all interested. Nothing against Elizabeth—she seemed nice, with her brown bob and round glasses. But Jackie? What a stunner. Shining gold hair down to the floor, perfect eyesight, and a laugh that could tame cobras.
A solution was pitched: Jackie would agree to “go out” with me if I also “went out” with Elizabeth. Two girlfriends- a third-grade man’s dream. I immediately agreed.
I floated through the rest of recess like a king… until it hit me. The whistles sounded, recess ended, and I began to doubt my decision.
Double duty. I would have to give two girls a small wave every morning at my desk. Two girls to awkwardly ignore during bathroom breaks. Would I have to sit between them during lunch? Broker fair trades for my Gushers and Oreos? It all became too much.
I realized my love for Jackie had blinded me. She was the only one for me. I had to man up and tell her.
As quiet reading time began, I signaled for Jackie to meet me by the National Geographics. Typically, the National Geographics browse was a joyous time of giggling at women’s exposed breasts with my guy friends. But today, it was all business.
“Jackie, I don’t want to go out with Elizabeth,” I said. “Only you.”
I had never said more words to Jackie. She considered while dragging her hand across the magazines. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Then we can’t.” She stood up and left.
I was alone again.
I bowed my head and tried to see the bright side. For at least a moment, I’d tasted the sweet fruit of love. I took a breath. And while I was there, figured I’d flip through a National Geographic and get a giggle. I had plenty of heartbreak ahead; no sense getting too worked up about it now.
Book Recommendations:
On The Calculation of Volume (Books 1 & 2) by Solvej Balle
Technically, it is two books, part of a seven-book series (book three comes out in November). It’s Groundhog Day with a twist: a woman protagonist, a few new rules, and a much deeper exploration of loneliness. Tara Selter is stuck in time, November 18th, to be exact. At first, she fights to break the spell, but eventually she accepts her fate, traveling and leaving her husband and family behind.
I love how precise Balle’s prose is; she can say so much with so little. I’ve also never read a book that made me want to help the narrator this badly. I find myself imagining what I’d do in her place. It’s a book that has stayed in my head far past reading it, and I’m counting the days until the next volume.
House of Fury by Evelio Rosero
Another story set over a single day, but unlike On the Calculation of Volume, this one is a full-throttle sprint. It’s the day of Nacho Caicedo and his wife Alma’s anniversary party in Bogotá, and chaos hits from the start: a black sheep brother arrives, one daughter announces she’s pregnant, another discovers her fiancé’s affair, and it only escalates from there.
This novel is the polar opposite of Calculation of Volume, packed with characters, wild subplots, and relentless energy. Rosero’s casually funny writing makes even the most violent moments almost breezy. Every page held a new surprise, and I found myself catching my breath by the end of each chapter. Absolutely exhilarating.
Love the memoir details!! So good!
And good book recs!! Should we all reread Mrs Dalloway, which also takes place over the course of a single day day